he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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