he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize