Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
