i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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