i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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