those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
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I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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