i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
as a side note pls kill me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize