Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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