So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
