So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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