Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
