If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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