I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
nutella sex= disaster
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
