I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Randomize
