Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
this is an emotional support booty call
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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