If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dick very happy bro
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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