I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
