paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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