Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
