so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
