How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
