before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
