is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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