i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
