I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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