Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
