the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
