I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
