Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
