Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
