I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
