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why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
