the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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