I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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