Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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