I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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