38 yer olds are good kisserssss
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
