Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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