I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
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