also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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