I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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