It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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