she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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