i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
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He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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