you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
