yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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