The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
