and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
God, I missed his penis.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
