I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
