my vag is so smooth its legendary
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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