You made me cry and you don't even care
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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