wanna go halves on a baby?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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