my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
