her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
