question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
