If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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