Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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