I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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