Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
