I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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