I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
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No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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