I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
